prince_taehyun: (test week)
ⓝ ᵃ ᶬ ⓣ ᵃ ᵋ ([personal profile] prince_taehyun) wrote in [community profile] mel0n2015-08-09 09:16 am

"This is how I want you to remember me..." ------ "The morning I killed myself"

When you're just messing around on the internet, you find interesting quotes or stories. I usually find a lot of quotes and post them on Twitter, but this time, I found these little stories that I found really interesting, so I thought I'd share both of them.

““I hope we last. I hope we do.
But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew. ”

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.
I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

Show me the last thing you found on the internet that you thought was interesting.
Also, back from hiatus.
jinani: (Default)

[personal profile] jinani 2015-08-09 02:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. Was that to make you realize all the things you'd be missing if you killed yourself?
petalcrowns: (♕ 멍멍하니)

[personal profile] petalcrowns 2015-08-11 03:27 pm (UTC)(link)
This is a really poignant piece.
petalcrowns: (♕ cerulean)

[personal profile] petalcrowns 2015-08-12 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
How sad, for someone to let all of that pass them by without realizing until it was too late...

I meant that for the second one, by the way~ though the first was also really well-written~
turntup: (Default)

[personal profile] turntup 2015-08-11 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Can't say that I have found anything interesting these days since I don't really spend too much time on it. Even if I did, that last piece might have beat out whatever I had found, anyway. That's good stuff.
lunchboxes: (Default)

[personal profile] lunchboxes 2015-08-15 11:52 pm (UTC)(link)
These are both so sad. How did you even happen upon them?
lunchboxes: (Default)

[personal profile] lunchboxes 2015-08-18 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Heol. So heavy ㅋㅋ